


how do i tell you i love you (when that’s not even what i need to tell you)

by 1supergay1



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: 4x19 edit, F/F, One-Shot, Or Maybe More, idk yet depends on the response
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-04 15:09:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20473073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1supergay1/pseuds/1supergay1
Summary: Kara and Nia’s conversation in 4x19 but like... gayer





	1. Chapter 1

“I’ve been a terrible friend to Lena.” Kara forces out, tears in her throat.

“What are you talking about? You’ve been lock-step ever since Lex escaped.”

“That was Supergirl.”

Nia lets out a small ‘oh.’  
“Yeah, I guess I forgot that Lena doesn’t...” She trails off.

“So do I.” Kara remarks bitterly.

“You could have told her.”

Kara thinks about it. She could have. She really, really could have. A part of her knew why she hadn’t. And it had nothing to do with Lena. But...  
“If Lena-“   
Kara pauses, takes a deep breath in.  
“If Lena found out now it would ruin us. It would ruin e-everything.” Her breath catches on the word. 

“When Lena needed help it was almost never to be saved from a burning building, I mean she was in physical trouble all the time, yeah. But she could almost always get herself out of that. She’s smart. She’s so, so smart.”

“When she needed help she needed a hug. Or someone to tell her that no matter what she did they’d be with her. That I’d still be there. Always. For once, I was needed not for what I can do but for who I am. Lena didn’t need Supergirl. She needed Kara Danvers. She didn’t need to be saved. She needed to be loved.” 

Kara stops and takes another breath.

“And I guess, I guess I got lost in that. So much more lost than I realised until now.”

“What do you mean?” Nia asks.

The question jerks Kara out of her reverie.

“It means that I think - I think I might be in love with-“ she cuts herself off and forcefully jerks her head up. Her super-senses had never failed her this badly because standing right there, in the door to Cat Grant’s office - because it would always be her office, never James’ - was, 

“Lena.”


	2. it turns out kara even rambles in her head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y’all, I decided to keep this going and then left it and then suddenly got some momentum off a comment left on my tumblr (1supergay1 if you’re interested) I don’t think I’m fully happy with this one but I needed to get it out. Enjoy xx

A wide eyed, gaping Lena was all Kara could see. She had no idea what Lena had or hadn’t heard. She had no idea why Lena was even here, other than the fact that she did technically own this company.

Kara swallows.  
“Hi Lee... ho-how is everything?” With a large panicked smile pasted across her face.

Rao she should really be better at this whole lying thing now.

Before Kara has the chance to say something even more stupid, Lena turns and walks out the door. Kara immediately gets up to follow her, before Nia grabs her arm to hold her back.

She looks back questioningly, urgency written across her face.

“She completely just ran Kara, give her a little time to sort out whatever she heard.”

“But how much time do I give her? I don’t know how much she heard? Did she hear that I’m in love with her? Did she hear that I’m Supergirl? How much did she hear? Obviously the amount she has to digest is congruent with how much time I should give her to digest it but it would be much easier to make the assumption on how much time I need to give her if I actually knew how much she heard...”

“Okay stop, stop. Kara. Breathe.” Nia says, gripping Kara’s shoulders.

“Give her until tomorrow. See how she’s going then.”

“Or you could just talk to me now.”   
Kara and Nia both whip their heads around to see Lena... who snuck up on both of them... again.

“Okay how do you keep doing that? Are you some sort of wizard?” Kara asks in shock.

Lena bites her lip, and Kara’s eyes instantly go to it. Apparently it doesn’t matter what horribly serious situation she’s in; one look at Lena’s soft, pillowy looking lips and she done for.

“Technically I’d be a witch, and so would you. Remember, we did the test together. I got Slytherin and... wow your Gryfindor result makes so much more sense now.” Lena laughs self deprecatingly under her breath.

“Can we talk... alone?” Kara glances over at Nia.

“Oh yeah of course.” Nia gets up from the chair she was sitting at. Or well, tries, she more knocks over the chair; and the folder she was holding, and somehow a paperweight off the desk she’s sitting in front in her haste to go.

Even in the tense atmosphere Kara and Lena share a smile as Nia apologises and almost runs out.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lena asks the second Nia’s out of the room.

“Didn’t you hear me before? I kinda gave Nia a whole speech.”

“I heard that my best friend had been lying to me for our entire friendship and I pretty much tuned out the rest.”

“So you didn’t hear anything I said after the whole Supergirl revelation?”

“No Kara, I didn’t.” Lena huffs in exasperation. 

“Oh.”  
So Lena hadn’t heard Kara telling Nia she was in love with her.  
That’s good.  
But... is it?  
Okay she’ll figure out how she feels about that one when Lena isn’t staring at her with big green eyes filled with horrible sadness that Kara really just wants to wipe away.

“I just...” okay time to fess up Kara   
“Needed to protect you.”

Fuck. That was not it. Like it is, of course she wants to protect Lena but that really isn’t the main reason she didn’t tell Lena and she really needs to tell her that because... and she’s rambling in her own head again. While Lena’s talking. Shit.

“-to protect me? I have bodyguards that do that every day Kara. I have many people trying to kill me, including my own evil genius brother I might add, how in the world could knowing that you’re Supergirl put me in any more danger than I’m already always in?”

Lena’s out of breath from her speech, tears building up in her eyes and the only thing she ever wants when she feels like this is a hug from Kara.

“That’s the thing Lee, you’re always already in danger and I didn’t want to put you in more danger. Anyone who knows my secret is a target. Anyone who is close to me is a target. And the thought of losing you-” Kara has to stop and breath and push down a sob, “the thought of losing you, is unbearable.”

“Oh. I think, I think I need some time.”

“Lena, please-“ Kara says, no longer able to hold back her tears.

She reaches out to grab Lena’s arm but Lena pulls away, turns and walks to the door, shutting it almost silently in her way out. 

She leaves not knowing her face mirrors Kara’s, a face of love and complete agony.

**Author's Note:**

> if y’all want me to continue let me know, im fine just leaving this as it is even though its a little short


End file.
